..i hope you had the time of your life >>><<

i stand against my own self.. and i wonder if there are really two people existing within me..
and i hear someone laughing at me.. at how i be judged and how i become a different person for everyone, everytime.. perhaps, within me, there aren't just those two people, my friend.. so many more, so many more...

when we fail and we fall, and when it begins to happen over and over again.., we come closer to a more real world.. a world of perfect imperfections..
and while i aspired to reach different dimensions, you settled for mediocrity, afraid to test limits, afraid to move ahead, afraid to let go of what held you back all this while, .. ..afraid to love..
cowardly just turned away..

ofcourse, your turning back towards someone is not deserting, nor is it deserting to just watch someone cry..
but I wonder what else to think, when you just stand there and tell me with those innocent eyes that nothing happened.. perhaps, nothing did.. perhaps, it meant nothing.. to you
and you stood there innocently watching life instill pain in me, you stood still and watched.

i wonder if you be guilty in the dark moments, if the pain strikes you too- the guilt of mocking at me for I felt differently, the guilty of pushing away and letting go, and of turning back to a past you wanted me to help you escape from..
i feel funny sometimes for i was brought into your world, and you left. like you never belonged here.. or you escaped.

and i hear you, you tell me you need me.. and my tears don't smile. for I cry today for the loss of love, the love i deserved, the love that touched me and passed away too soon, the kind of love you cannot give for its deeper than you can see and more real than you can be..

they say that love is leading each other back to the self.. and if i see it from here, today i see it complete.
and i wonder why you thought that i'm distanced from life.. for i'm finally coming closer to the real world, a world so different than the unreal i lived with you . .

and i was judged well when i was judged at last, for i judge myself now . . and i be my own God . . . . . . . . . . and my Gods smile at me, I know, and now i can be the many people i need to be, and they shall all have what they deserve. the so many people within me. and the soul is finally at peace .. you may call it moving on, i call it a rebirth . . . .