Wish we could really hate sometime. Wouldn't it be easier?

I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

- From the movie "10 things I hate about you"

written and erased too many words
how painful could nothingness be.
thought thoughts and killed thoughts
in hope that another breath will kill me

sketched life and painted pain
how grey could colours seem
scarred each moment with another tear
in hope that death could be my dream.

stopped and stared at distances grow
how strange it is to not have you near
lived through to see you again
while you hoped i could disappear.